Finding Confidence

“You are perfect. To think anything less is as pointless as a river thinking that it’s got too many curves or that it moves too slowly or that its rapids are too rapid. Says who? You’re on a journey with no defined beginning, middle or end. There are no wrong twists and turns. There is just being. And your job is to be as you as you can be. This is why you’re here. To shy away from who you truly are would leave the world you-less. You are the only you there is and ever will be. I repeat, you are the only you there is and ever will be. Do not deny the world its one and only chance to bask in your brilliance.” 
(Jen Sincero, "You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life")



So a trusted friend recently told me that I might be lacking in confidence. 

Who me?

From the outside it often looks like I have got it all together: I am a teacher of young people and love nothing better than holding a mirror up to my students to show them their brilliance; I regularly post new art work up on social media with no apologies for the continual saturation of my images and I have plans and dreams for the future and talk about them to whoever will listen. And I am relatively poor in pocket but rich in spirit and try and focus on the latter when I get too down about the former.

But my friend was right.

I have some learning to go through when it comes to ACTUAL confidence in myself. Working with students I often find it easier to shine a light on them (as that's my job after all). I always walk away feeling ten foot tall after those classes where students "get it" and sink into their own selves with new found confidence. But when it comes to my own life and my own dreams (although I nut out at them every day), my self talk is not always positive. I try, but I often miss the mark. I'm too this or too that or I perhaps I really don't deserve to have this or experience that and I guess my lot in life is just this etc etc etc. I have my good days but I also have the days when it's all just a bit too hard.

Perhaps you know what I'm talking about. Perhaps you too have these self flagellating talks? The self doubt?

My friend pointed me in the direction of a book called "You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life" by Jen Sincero. I have to admit I am not a fan of reading self help books. I always start with good intentions but get bored and frustrated too easily and go back to reading my fantasy novels where I can lose myself. 
Lose myself.
Hmmm. Interesting turn of phrase.
There's a time a place to lose yourself (and I will continue to read fantasy novels and enjoy every moment of it).
But there's also a time and place to find yourself.

And THIS I have decided is the time to find myself. To move up to the next level of self awareness and harness the power of being to really find true confidence and pave out the awesome life I know that I want to live.

So I am reading this book. 
Actually it's the second time I am reading it.
The first time was a couple of months ago. I got about ten pages in and thought "This is too hard, where's that book where the maiden is a kick butt sword fighter?"
And I closed it. And went back to my maiden-slaying-the-dragon tale.

But it's been sitting there at the back of my mind that I need to make some changes within myself.

So a week ago I went back to the book.

And lo and behold this time it's resonating. 
I'm reading it slowly, letting all the words and concepts infiltrate in a day to day way. I don't normally read slowly. I'm a speed reader (I did a course when I was eleven and it stuck). 

This time though... no speeding.
Purposely reading every page at a slower pace.

And I'm letting myself be a glorious work in progress as I go.

I haven't nearly finished the book yet. 
But I will continue to be open to it and continue to read it and just go on this adventure.

And in between the pages I am taking time to write down personal affirmations. And to draw words that I want to infiltrate into my life and into my work.

Here is a video I made on the weekend of me drawing the word LOVE:

It was the first time I have ever made a time lapse video of me drawing. The video shows what I drew during my lunch break. It's interesting to see the seeming confidence in my hand when time speeds up. My hand knows what to do and enjoys the process of just taking the pen for a twisty, curly kind of walk across the paper.

That night I finished the drawing.
I added in more line work and then immediately regretted it.
"That was too much! Why didn't you just follow the grey lead pencil you had underneath? There's too many curls and leaves now!! Ahhh! It's just too much. I'M just always too much!"
Then I stopped. I realised the negative/self doutb path of thinking I was going down was not helping at all.

So I allowed myself to stop thinking and closed the sketchbook and listened to music for the rest of the night.

The next morning I opened my sketch book and found that I actually really liked what I had added. I actually LIKED the extra line work my hand confidently decided to add in.

All that initial negative thinking was just a waste of brain power.
Good thing I stopped when I did and let myself be immersed in music.

I thought: what if I applied this to the rest of my life? 
So yesterday I decided to make some music. I wouldn't call myself a musician as such - more of a lover of music and an avid in-the-car-in-the-shower singer. Last year I bought myself a ukulele to have as a sing-a-long instrument. It's relatively easy to play the basic chords and after a few months of playing my novelty uke I decided to upgrade and buy myself a non-novelty instrument.  I had a fantastic summer playing and learning new songs. But I haven't picked it up in earnest in almost six months. So I took it out of it's case and let my voice just sing what it wanted to sing. I ended up singing "Smile" (music by Charlie Chaplin) and started thinking about my network of friends and those who really could use extra love and energy in their lives right now. So without thinking, I hit record on my laptop and made a video. And hit upload to my Facebook page.

Gulp! 

I then let it go for a few hours while I played my little heart out and just enjoyed having a Sunday music sesh.

When I checked on my Facebook a while later I had over 25 beautiful comments from friends. And at last check about 75 likes! No one said I was "too much". No one said I sung out of key. 
People actually thanked me.
Thanked me! For singing my heart out!

So here is the video (again, posting it without letting my thoughts go down any negative track).

There is a powerful lesson here for me.
I am letting it sink deep into my being today as I prepare to go and teach a public speaking class to young people.

Wherever you are when you read this give yourself permission to speak of yourself with love. You are the gardener of your thoughts. You can choose what you propagate and what you weed out.
With love,
Lou 

Seeking Joy

"Joy is not in things, it is in us"
(Richard Wagner).

I love this quote by the German classical composer. It made me smile when I found out the quote was attributed to Wagner. As a child my father would play Wagner on the piano late at night as I lay upstairs in my bed. The dramatics and intensity of his classical piano pieces were not what I would call soothing bed time music. I was sent off to sleep to this music as if being sent off on some crazy, fast paced adventure promising danger, challenges and much tension. And I loved it! 

Last night I was lucky enough to be invited by a friend to a women's story sharing circle. I had never been to anything like this before. A group of a dozen or so women gathered together in a small room above a pub in Melbourne and sat in a circle taking turns to share their own stories on a moment of joy.  Being my first time in this circle I was asked before the proceedings started if I would like to share a story of my own. Although a little nervous I said yes. The stories these women all shared in this sacred circle told of moments of triumph, overcoming challengers, transcendental happiness, friends who made an impact on our lives and of life and death itself. What amazed me about all of these powerful stories shared was that the most profound moments of joy often comes from a moment of despair, grief, sadness and feeling lost. My own story came from the same space. I told of the moment I knew I had to change my life and look for another adventure to pay my bills. You can read about that moment in one of my earliest blog posts: All about me

This sharing of joyful stories came at the perfect time. I should preface this paragraph by noting that I am generally a positive person. I choose to share and focus mostly on what is going well and on the hope I have for my own dream path. The last few weeks however I have been searching about for my own joy and feeling dare I say somewhat disheartened. It's easy to forget how far I have come since making this career change and embarking on a life to call myself a working artist. Working as a freelance artist can be filled with uncertainty and doubt  - and a fear of how the rent will be paid next month! Recently a friend and I were discussing that being a creative is a little like being a frog in a large pond. We have to keep swimming and searching for those lily pads of opportunity. Sometimes a fog rolls over the pond and it's hard to know what opportunities lie around or near you. And sometimes you might think that you can see through the fog and so you swim towards what looks like a lilypad.  But often what you thought would be a lilypad ends up being nothing more than a floating piece of wood that you can't hold onto or sit on. It's the constant rejection and the search for the next "gig". My actor friends are always auditioning, my musician friends are alway trying to score gigs, my writer friends always looking to secure publishers and my illustrator and design friends are always pitching. There are times when you feel you have been swimming for an age desperate for a rest from all this uncertainty and just trying to keep breathing amidst the knock backs.  This constant seeking can make one weary and tempt you to give up on your dream. I have been lucky over the last twelve months on my journey in having lilypads of opportunity to leap onto. Some of these have come in the form of artist in residency teaching in schools, acting gigs (some corporate and some television work) and paid illustration and design commissions. I have never been without a contract or a client in the last year. This last month or so I have been however been floating back into the fog of the pond calling out for new opportunities and met with nothing but fog.

Pulling yourself out of the fog is not easy. 
Dr Seuss says it perfectly in my favourite of his books "Oh! The places you'll go"
"You'll Come down from the Lurch with an upleasant bump.
And chances are, then, that you'll be in a Slump.
And when you're in a Slump, you're not in for much fun. 
Un-Slumping yourself is not easily done".

Oh Dr Seuss. You know us all too well (after all you too were a creative). So the question for me is how to get out of this slump. And the answer for me is this: To accept the slump. To witness the doubt and fear and let it pass through. To keep making work and sending out my creations into the world. To come back to what brings me joy. Art. And the making of it.

I. Won't. Give. Up.
I. WON'T. GIVE. UP.

(Sometimes it helps to shout it out to the universe. Also to shout it out with a quick dodgy but colourful illustration).
So this week I decided to work on the illustrations that make me smile. Just going back to searching inside myself as to what makes me feel simple joy.   And for me that's usually puns. And flowers. So I drew two new punny designs (to read about my absolute love of puns in a previous post - Puntastic!) and decided to put two of favourite illustrations out into the world in a different form. 
So I have spent the week updating my Redbubble shop.

Here is a sampler of the puns:

(In keeping with my own personal fog)

Why So Melon Cauli - available on all kinds of products via Redbubble

I Avo Crush Available on all kinds of products via Redbubble

And here are the two floral designs. These illustrations I made for an Art Show last year and until now were just sold as limited edition prints under different titles. I have renamed them "Floral He" and "Floral She". I have them framed in my bedroom and they always make my heart smile. I decided to send them into the world available as not just prints but on apparel, duvets, mugs, stickers, cases and other awesome products.

Floral He - Available on all kinds of products via Redbubble

Floral She - available on all kinds of products via Redbubble

So whats next?
Well I really don't know.
But I know I will keep going and seeking my dream path.
And be open for the moments of joy.
And right in this moment after writing all of this down I am realising.
I AM feeling the joy.
:-D

The Magic of Mandalas

"Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without."
(Gautama Buddha)

Early last year I stumbled across a creative business dreamed up by Sarah Wilder. I say "stumbled" but I feel that I am drawn to what I am drawn to for a purpose. Sarah designs mandala ring talismans in sterling silver.  I don't remember how I came across The Fifth Element Life website but I am glad that I did. I immediately fell in love with Sarah's mandala rings and felt drawn to one design that upon further inspection represented Creativity (of course it did!). 

Wearing my Creation Mandala Ring

Within a few months - with my new life getting into gear as a full time freelance artist - I was drawn to a second mandala ring: Motivation. These two silver rings serve as reminders of my journey as an artist and to firstly seek my own inner power before I send my work off into the world. The rings hold no magic power as such - but they remind me of my own power and ability to manifest my dream life.

Earlier this year I started to experiment with illustrating my own mandalas. Sometimes on paper, sometimes on the computer and sometimes on my own arm! There is an immense calm that emanates with creating an image from the centre and then radiating outwards.

A cup of tea, some colourful flowers and my sketchbook.

Experimenting with water colour

This is hung up above my studio desk. On the right are the two cards that came with my TFEL Mandala Rings.

When I look around my studio I realise I have been drawn to mandalas for a while. Several years ago I was fascinated with creating dreamweavers. The calm that emanated while stringing them is the same calm I feel when I draw mandalas. 

A dreamcatcher I made several years ago

A dream catcher I made years ago that celebrates music. 

And of course right above my desk is a colour wheel I painted when I was at design school.  When I look at it I am drawn to the white space in the middle and the delightful way that the colours frame this clear space. My artist mannequins celebrate the light next to a salt lamp (and under a Hawaiian Lei - because why not?) Colour and light are mandatory in my happy little studio.

Colour!

Earlier this year when Sarah Wilder announced that she was looking for contributors for a mandala colouring-in eBook I knew I had to put forth a submission! I am proud to announce that a mandala I created entitled "We are Stardust" is included in the beautiful book. You can read all about the book here: 111 Mandala Meditation Magick 

To celebrate the joy of mandalas and bringing them into my life with purpose and colour I have created another mandala design which is available on my Redbubble Shop. I have called this one "Creativity Mandala". 

This mandala illustration serves to remind me to come back to my quiet place and take time to breathe and just be to let my creativity flow from my core. The colours emanate with the creative possibility and potential that lies within each of us when we are quiet and peaceful. Our most authentic inner selves can radiate outwards in all compass directions with ease and joy when move from our centre. 

The Creativity Mandala is available on tshirts, prints, hoodies, posters, greeting cards, pillows, travel mugs, tote bags, and EVEN LEGGINGS!! Yes! Colourful grounded legs will dance the day away in these beauties :-)

Be the colour in room wearing these creative threads!

Get your leggings HERE

Rest your head and let your inner calm permeate

Get your own pillow HERE

Get your print HERE

Get your T-shirt HERE

KIDS T-SHIRTS, BABY JUMPSUITS (lots of size & colour choices)

Get your kids T-shirt and baby Jumpsuits HERE

Get your Travel Mug (or regular mug) HERE

You can check out my Redbubble shop (and all my other designs avaialable on a range of awesome product here: Lou Endicott - Redbubble Portfolio and shop

Wherever your day takes you I hope you remember to take time out to come back to yourself and breathe in the richness of your being.

Creatively yours,

Lou

The Shifting Seasons

"In the depth of winter. I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer."

- Albert Camus

So it has been a full season since I wrote on this blog. So much has transpired. Little things, like small crystal beads are slowly threading their way on a string to make up the life of dreams that I wish to live.

In between threading my dream beads via illustration and design, I have been seeking opportunities to be creative, get fit and healthy, earn a living, reconnect with nature and understand the meaning of life and happiness.
Yes. Just small things! I'm sure that they can be figured out in just one season? ;-)

The winter season brought many an adventure and many an opportunity. I was fortunate enough to be given the opportunity to direct a primary school musical with a beautiful school. As my first year as an illustrator, the opportunity to work in any creative field in tandem with my freelance work is a bonus (and also helped pay the rent!). The last three months I worked every week at a primary school directing the tale of Pinocchio. 

Here is a doodle I created during a train trip to rehearsals:

I enjoyed using my acting coaching and directing skills as part of this contract. It was a lot of fun and I relished the chance to laugh and create with kids every week and finish with an end result that we were all proud of! 








On performance day I presented my co-director (the school music teacher) with this gift of a framed original water colour illustration. 
I wanted to embody her joy of music and the ideas that flowed so easily from her soul. There needs to be more passionate, open hearted and joyous children's educators in the world, and so I wanted to remind her that her path is mighty, adds colour and meaning to the lives of children and is highly important. I think she liked it! I was reminded of how much I love to give hand made presents - and how much I love working with water colour. I still have lots to learn with this medium, but every project is a lesson in itself.

I am also teaching for musical theatre school on weekends and after school. We are currently working on Disney's "The Little Mermaid". I'm directing three casts aged between 6 and 17years on this musical. My script is filled with doodles galore of course. Here's a doodle from the front page!

 I spent the winter season getting fit and healthy and added regular exercise to my week in the form of jogging, dancing and aerobics. I might have worn my 80s style leggings more than necessary and teamed them with shoes OTHER than my trainers…. 

Apart from exercising I decided to embark on a diet change (a peskatarian version of a low carb high fat diet) that has truly benefited my dream path. Apart from losing over 7 kilos in two months, the true perks of this new diet has included my mind becoming sharper, my mood more elevated and levelled, enjoying energy levels I have never felt before and my health and vitality increasing (including losing swelling and pain around a thumb that doctors had said was "incurable arthritits"). As an artist, this last point needless to say is life changing.

I decided in early July to take a surprise trip up to my family in Brisbane to reconnect with those I love and come back to  my roots. My parents were both in joyful tears with surprise when I showed up (complete with flowers for Mum and whiskey for Dad). I was reminded of the love that is always there for me in my family. I also got to spend time with my gorgeous niece (aged 3 and a half) and have a drawing session with her. One night we went out to a family restaurant. I bought her a "kids activity pack" at the restaurant which included a puzzle, stickers and a colouring-in sheet. I put it on the table as a surprise when she went with her Mum to the restroom. Impulsively I took the back of the order receipt and drew some pictures for her to copy and put it on the table next to the activity pack. When she came back she sat down and within one or two heartbeats contemplated both the activity pack and the paper with my markings and picked up a pen and went straight into copying my doodles. It amazes me how she just trusted herself and didn't let herself double think about what she chose to do or how she chose to do it. Absolute confidence and absolute attention to the joyous task at hand. She is indeed a teacher for me.

Illustration wise, as an emerging artist I have been busy trying to get my work "out there". My Redbubble Shop has seen quite a few sales with some pieces I put up earlier in the year, plus a few new additions as well. Redbubble - Lou Endicott portfolio

Here are a few happy customers who were kind enough to send me pics of happy people wearing my designs! 

 

I can barely express the joy and gratitude I feel when I see these happy people wearing my illustrations! There is something so tangible and so measurable to know that someone chooses to wear your art… It is truly humbling and makes my heart sing. 

And here I am last week exploring the natural wilderness here in Victoria in my own designed hoodie (it's so comfortable - I'm wearing it right now as I type this post!):

And here are a few new designs I have put up over the winter months:

Last weekend I was lucky enough to hear about a workshop with the legendary Oslo Davis - illustrator and cartoonist extraordinaire. His satire, gentle musings and blatant truths have been a wonderful antenna of our society and a new inspiration for me of late. I took part in a workshop at Third Drawer Down in Prahran just over a week ago and was reminded of the power and humour that illustration holds. My friend Bekky Halls (aka illustrator Saint Damascus) joined me to learn some insights on the world of funny and drawing. Check out Oslo's awesome work here: Oslo's Awesome Work

I have also been fortunate enough to be featured in a beautiful Australian magazine "Bespoke" issue 14  that promotes artists and makers. I received a copy of this gorgeous magazine in my mail today!  This issue focuses on Spring and embellishments and adornments. I make mention of two of my favourite handmade jewellery designers in this magazine Tess and Trix and Emiti Order your copy of Bespoke Magazine here: Bespoke Magazine Number 14 

Here is my copy:

And here are my featured pages (I squealed loud enough to startle my cat when I opened the mail today!!):

So what's coming up this new season for this little artist? I have two pieces of work featured in an artshow called Art 4 All which is hosted by Fairfield Primary School (which by literally COMPLETE COINCIDENCE was the school I directed the musical Pinocchio for!! I love how the universe works!) I will be selling prints in the art shop at this event as well. 

I will have two print on show at this event: Here is a snippet! (you may guess that I am celebrating Spring here….)

In other news I am happy to report that I have been contracted to work on my first children's book with Jet Black Publishing. The book entitled "The Day Jake Logan Robertson Ran Out of Hugs" by A.Nicky Hjort explores the importance and the magic of hugs. It's truly a heart warmer (and might give you and your little loved one a happy tear or two). I am honoured and privileged to work with this fantastic publisher (who donate 20% of profits to charities that assist children to read and write) and to work on such a beautiful manuscript.

Here is a sneak peak of a work in progress:

Apart from all this, I am remembering to find myself in nature every week. Last week I took a trip with my partner to Apollo Bay in South West Victoria. Cape Otway and it's natural surrounds are perhaps my favourite place on earth…. Here is Hopetoun Falls (just one of the divine places I hiked this week). Hope Town indeed. Heaven on Earth!

May this season of spring spring forth your most heart felt dreams

xox

Lou

Tee-Lightful

"You see things and ask "why?"; I dream things that never were and think "why not?""
(George Bernard Shaw)

So I have a line of t-shirts available via Red Bubble! I thought that perhaps the best way to promote them to people is to actually buy them and WEAR them myself!

I thought "why not?" Why not literally stand behind my art and put my work out there? After all if I wouldn't wear the shirt how do I expect others to see it's value.  So I put an order in just under a week ago for a shirt with my
CREATIVE THINKING design.  The t-shirt arrived on my doorstep today in a
cute cardboard parcel with a Red Bubble Sticker and a swing tag with my name
on it attached with a little wooden peg.

It was so satisfying to put on the t-shirt - the fit was right, the fabric soft and the design - well the last one I am so happy with! With the exception of some jewellery beads (which were more crafty than anything) I have never made wearable art before! 

What do you think?
Do you like the design?
Check it out at Red Bubble - LOADS of colour choices, sizes and styles!

Lou Endicott's illustrations - T-shirts and more on Red Bubble

Here I am in my new shirt! The cheeks of the design are hard to see in the photo due to the light in my backyard, so I am attaching a shot of the design.